The first time I heard about Ash Wednesday I was in high school.  A bunch of my Catholic friends came to school with dirt on their foreheads.  I was so confused. Someone told me it was for Ash Wednesday (“duh!”) like I should know since I was the good little Christian girl.

I didn’t know.  I chalked it up to Catholics “not being real Christians” like I’d thought I’d learned at my church. I also figured it went along with Rosh Hashanah which was that other religious holiday I didn’t understand. (I can’t make this stuff up people)

It wasn’t until after college that I learned Ash Wednesday marked the beginning of Lent (I assumed lint of course being so educated in religious celebrations and all).  My current church had an Ash Wednesday service where I learned Lent marks the 40 days before Easter and you’re supposed to fast something during that time like Jesus fasted in the desert.

So I gave up chocolate.

It lasted maybe a week.  Maybe. I may have reasoned with myself that only one piece of chocolate a day was acceptable when I normally had chocolate after every meal.

Then I gave up.  Because if I’d screwed up one day, why even bother to keep going?

I think I’ve tried fasting a few years since then.  I don’t remember it ever “working”.

I’m not sure what was supposed to “work” anyway.  Was I supposed to never want chocolate again?  Was I trying to earn my spot in heaven?  What was following all the rules and taking away something I loved suppose to do?

I’d obviously missed the point.

This year I’ve been learning more about the real meaning behind Lent.  And I’m attempting to fast from a few things while making it more about my heart than about following the rules.

I love this quote from Ann Voskamp:

Let the things of this world fall away so the soul can fall in love with God. God only comes to fill the empty places and kenosis is necessary – to empty the soul to know the filling of God.

This year I decided to give up social media on my phone to make more room for God.  Because the first thing I do when I wake up is “check in” to all the things – Facebook, Instagram and Feedly (my blog reader). Then throughout the day, when I’m sick of being stuck inside and my girls are driving me insane, I “hang out” on my phone to escape.  I’m constantly scrolling through Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram. And lots of times I get caught up in articles my friends post on Facebook.  They get me worked up.  Angry.  I want to give them my opinion because theirs is obviously uneducated and ridiculous.  Thankfully I know to keep quiet and not post my harsh thoughts.  But I still have the thoughts, and in my head I draft up the smart remarks I want to post and they play over and over in my mind. At night when I’m watching a show with Nick, I’m back on my phone during commercials and when I’m bored with the show.  And of course I have to check in with all the things before I go to bed.

See how there’s not much room for God?  Or my family? Yeah. Me too.

So Pinterest and Facebook have been deleted from my phone.  Instagram still remains, but only for posting one photo a day – which technically goes to Facebook – because I use Instagram photos in my yearly photobook. I’ve added a Lent reading plan to my YouVersion app which I’m reading first thing in the morning instead of checking all the things.

For these first few days I’m trying to cut out social media scrolling from any device.  Then I’ll let myself check on a computer once a day for only a few minutes if I want to.  The first 24+ hours have been hard.  I got angry a few times that I couldn’t escape when the whining and demanding took over our house. I got bored with “nothing to do”. Ugh.  Obviously I had a problem.

But I’ve also started my days with scripture. Both days have been fitting and allowed me to examine my heart and remember why I’m giving up social media.

I’m looking forward to the changes that will take place during the next 40 days.  It’s not going to be easy.  But that’s the point.