Hi, my name’s Rachel and I’m a quitter.

I mean if you want to put a positive spin on things, I like new adventures and endeavors…I like planning, dreaming and beginning. Once something becomes old hat, I’m done. I think that’s why working in higher education was so good for me. I had a fresh start every semester. New students and a chance to improve and try new things kept me going. I also had lots of variety at my job so if one area wasn’t so fun anymore, I could focus on something else for a bit. Now that I stay home with my girls, the routine never changes and I’m working with the same people every day for all eternity (so it seems).

I quit when I’m bored or something becomes mundane, but I also give up when something is too hard or too much work. I like things to come easy. When Nick asks me how he can help in times when I’m overwhelmed, I usually ask him to “Please push the magic button“. I would like someone to wave a wand and solve my problems. Poof. I’m skinny. Poof. A healthy gourmet dinner is served and all the dishes are clean. Poof. The laundry is washed, dried, folded and put away. Poof. My fridge is full of healthy foods.

The activity I quit most frequently is working out. I want to lose weight and get back into shape SO bad. But not bad enough to push through the pain and keep going. If I could have a genie grant me one wish it would be to  have my high school cheerleader and ballet dancer body back. I want to fit into those double zero Banana Republic jeans I bought in our first year of marriage. (because they’re the ONLY pair of double zeros I’ve ever owned…I was always a 2 or 4). I hate how jiggly I’ve become. I can’t stand the number on my scale….even if it is technically a “healthy weight”…it’s the last number within that category.

Wanting to change my body and working to do it  are two different things for me. I’ve started plenty of weight loss methods. P90X lasted 30 days, Weight Watchers a mere 3 weeks, Insanity 3 days, Couch to 5K program 3 weeks, YMCA membership has been started and stopped 3 times. They’ve all made a small difference, but I don’t keep with anything long enough to make a big change. When it comes to the actual workouts, I don’t work too hard anyway. I don’t want to be too sore, I need to give my body time to rest etc……

Today as I write this, I’m on day 5 of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. I hope I don’t quit.

Not just because I want to fit in my skinny jeans, but because I want to push through something for once. I don’t want to be a quitter.

I want my girls to see me complete something hard. Something I don’t want to do, but I do it because it’s good for me.

Mariah has my quitter tendencies, I see it in her reading, bike riding, and gymnastics. For now she keeps going, but I don’t want a day to come where she turns out like me. She’s been with me four of my five days of the 30 day shred. She says she wants to do it with me, but she quits. Now, I realize a four year old shouldn’t complete a workout for adults, but she takes the words out of my mouth..”This is so HARD.” “I’m SOOO tired.”

Today I kept telling her “Mommy gets REEALLY tired, but I keep going so I can be stronger” “I can’t stop now, I’m going to be SO strong!” “Whew. This is hard work, but I’m not going to stop.”

I hope those words speak to her heart. I hope she hears me and sees me pushing through. In the meantime those phrases are helping me get through. I CAN do this! I CAN stop this quitter mentality. Quitting isn’t an option here. I’m hoping that with this mindset I can finish a hard task I started. For once. The goal of Not Quitting might be more effective than a goal to lose 20 pounds. I sure hope it is. And that I can lose a little weight in the process for a little bonus.

UPDATE: today is day 7. Still going even through the pain.