On Sunday I will abandon my girls for 6 days and 5 nights.

Yeah. Abandon is how I’m feeling about it at the moment.

Nick and I booked an getaway to  an all inclusive adults only resort  in Mexico a few months back. Back when we hadn’t had a full nights sleep in 8 months. We were also desperate for a big vacation. Just the two of us.  You see, we’ve never had a vacation that didn’t involve joining up with family along the way since our honeymoon. Having family all around the country and world is fun and all, and  makes for fantastic vacations, but we were never alone just relaxing. And because we don’t have family here, even just a weekend away is out of the question.

Since Nick’s parents are in the country and are staying in Minnesota for a few weeks, we decided it would be the perfect time to escape and refresh. We booked the trip and were pumped.

But then this week came.

The weather has been mostly cloudy, and so has my mood. Thinking about leaving my girls for so long breaks my heart a little. I’ve never been away this long. And I’ve never gone this far.

And do you know how much there is to get ready before leaving two young children for a week? I mean, I may be a little insane with my 7 pages of instructions/information about the girls, our house, the cats etc., but it had to be prepared. Plus there’s the laundry, the packing, last minute shopping, the cleaning, not to mention the first round of wedding photo edits from last weekend, and preparing for my last wedding coordinating job this weekend.

Part of all of this stress is from the impending loss of control I’m about to experience. I won’t know what’s going on with my girls at all times. I won’t be the one to choose their meals, fix their hair, decide what we do each day or how much TV they watch. I won’t know if my house is a disaster with toys everywhere or if my sink is full of dirty dishes. I won’t know. I won’t be able to fix it. I won’t be able to micromanage.

But that’s a good thing.

I need to let go more often.

I need to trust that someone else can take care of my children. I need to know my girls will be loved and cared for and well fed and entertained and they’ll probably even sleep better knowing my girls. My in-laws raised three fantastic kids and I know they’ll be great with my girls next week. But letting go is hard. And I’ll still miss them.

Everyone keeps telling me that once I’m on the beach with a drink in my hand I won’t feel this way. Let’s hope so.