As I edited last month’s pictures, I noticed something. My baby. Just last month with a pacifier in her mouth she was still a baby.

This month she’s crossed over into toddler. She’s grown up too fast and passing through too many milestones and really is a toddler.

We said goodbye to the pacifier and soft top sippy cup. They’re the two things we made countless trips to her room at night to give her. Multiple times a night for way too long.  I hated that dang pacifier and how she’d throw it out just to get us to come back to her. I hated making the dark and groggy trip downstairs to the kitchen every night to fill a cup with milk and heat it to the right temperature. (We never did commit to filling the cup before bedtime because we hung on to the hope of not needing it that night).

But now?

Now I kind of miss them.

I mean, I don’t really want them back, I like my sleep, but letting go means letting go of the baby stage. And this is the last baby stage we’re planning to go through. I kind of miss her needing us in the night. I miss how the pacifier could instantly calm and quiet her. I miss her little sleepy drinking sounds in the middle of the night. I even miss her sleeping in our bed sometimes.

Now she’s able to soothe herself back to sleep at night and she doesn’t need the baby cup. She’s graduated to the toddler cup and cold milk. *sigh* Just the beginning of not needing to depend on us for every part of her life.

That’s how it’s supposed to go though, right? We have to move on from total dependency and grow into the person we were designed to become.

Along with being finished with her those baby things, she’s acting like a toddler. Running. Using a fork and spoon to feed herself. She understands most of what we say and is picking up new words every day. She copies her sister’s every move. She’s so stinkin’ cute.

Today I had a good 45 minutes of playtime with her. Just the two of us – which doesn’t happen that often. I watched her take out stuffed animals, line them up against the wall and  talk to them. She’d tell me to “guggle” (snuggle), or pet or scratch them and “uppa” (sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star…you know “Uppabove the world so high..“). She always says “awww” when she “guggles” them and I just can’t handle the cuteness.

She melts my heart. I want to soak it all in and savor these moments. Because they go by so fast. This toddler phase will fly by just as fast as the baby stage.

It’s so hard to stay in the moment some days. It’s hard to see past the mundane and the sister fights and the constant messes. But I make myself stop as often as I can to take a deep breath and get some perspective. To appreciate the sweet moments we have each day. The “guggles” and giggles and to see the beauty in my girls and who God made them to be. They’re a gift; I hope I never take that gift for granted.

So while I mourn the loss of the baby-ness for a bit, I know this next phase will be just as sweet. Actually, maybe even sweeter since I’m sleeping again! To watch my babe grow up a little more, show us her personality and her God given talents is exactly what should happen next. I’m ready. Ready to savor as much as I can.

As if she didn’t already melt me into a puddle enough this afternoon during our playtime, tonight as we tucked her in she told us “la-lu” when we told her we loved her. *sigh* There aren’t words to describe hearing those words for the first time.