As much as I love new years and fresh starts, I always feel the need to hurry up and take care of my long list of projects right away in January.

Maybe it’s because I can’t leave my house since it’s -40 degrees out there some days, or because I want my home in order after being gone on vacation.  I’m not sure. But I was starting to wear myself out trying to get it all done. So I’ve slowed down a bit, but still feel the need to conquer a long list.

One of my biggest projects has been ridding my home of all the extra stuff.  I’d say junk, but some of it isn’t junk….just items we don’t use or need.

I started the process before Christmas as I went through the toys in anticipation of new toys coming in.  Since we’ve been back from Christmas vacation, I’ve pared down the toys yet again, and my girls still only play with a few of the items that remain. I’m tempted to make another sweep through. But then I worry they’ll be so bored these next few months of winter. And then I think about how I WANT them to be bored so they have to get creative.  I’m torn.

Then I read this blog post and my heart was screaming YES!  YES!  I want to do that! I want to take away all the toys! But then I got scared again.  What if they get bored and drive me insane?

So for now I’ve settled with a smaller amount of toys, and I’m sure I’ll keep letting more go.

I’ve also cleaned out my closet, kitchen cabinets, office, bathroom drawers….I keep finding more places filled with things we don’t need.

It’s wonderful.

And exhilarating.

But then again I’m kind of a crazy about organization and as little excess as possible.

Nick did a good job of making sure I didn’t throw out all my old journals during my de-cluttering high. I was only going to keep the ones he was in because who needs years of journals about boys and high school drama? He tells me “If someone writes a book about you one day, or you write a book about your life, you’re going to need these. They tell about who you are and how you became the person you are today.”

I like that man.  I’ll keep him.

Anyway. I digress….

I’m cleaning out and getting rid of excess. It feels good.

But some things are hard to let go. Like the uber expensive and fancy camera I still had.  I needed it for weddings and portraits, but most certainly did not need it for every day use now that that chapter of my life was closed.  Plus it was a monster to lug around and hardly came with us to capture our fun. But a part of me wanted to keep it. So badly I wanted to keep it and my amazing lens.

Learning to shoot, mastering my cameras, making enough money to buy the equipment I’d drooled over…I took a lot of pride in that.  Letting go of the physical items that represented so much accomplishment – MAN that was hard! I had to tell myself over and over again, “It’s just STUFF.” Stuff. Things. Nothing I can take with me from this earth.

My pastor ended up talking about stewardship on Sunday as I was trying to sort through my feelings on letting go of something I loved so much. I needed that.  He talked about how it’s all really God’s money anyway…we’ve just been given the job to be responsible for it in our lifetime. I also needed to see the images from the book Material World: A Global Family Portrait by Peter Menzel. Average families from countries around the world who bring all their possessions to the front lawn of their house and hold the one item they consider the most valuable. To see the excess of the American family contrasted with the other countries stirred something inside me.

It shifted my thinking yet again. I was moved for those who have so little. I remembered statements made by those who return from missions trips “They had so little, but they were SO happy.”

Some days I want to have so little. To be forced to live in complete faith that God will provide because the circumstances look so bleak and impossible. Or to embark on a grand adventure with hardly any possessions. Sometimes Nick and I dream about living in a tiny houseboat  – it makes my heart sing when I think about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying for one second I’m not grateful for our income and for the things we have in our home.  As a matter of fact, this whole shift in thinking has made me appreciate our home and what we have more.  It’s also made me look at how we can give more as well.

But I still have something inside of me that feels the need to live with less. So I’ll do what I can at the moment – clear out, give away, sell.  And my heart is hoping and dreaming (and fearing) for the chance to take a grand adventure where we sell  everything and serve God in some crazy big way.