Where I’ve landed: Thoughts on Unconditional Parenting
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
I vowed I wouldn’t stop blogging just because I went back to work. I wanted so badly to be a work outside of home mom who blogged – because that didn’t seem as common. And I don’t like to do “common”. But it happened. I’ve already written the I’ll be back post, and then didn’t really come back.
And you know what? I’m ok with that.
I’ve been keeping my therapeutic writing in my moleskin journal. Asking God and myself lots of questions. Wrestling with choices and decisions privately. I’ve wondered if choices I’ve made are the right ones. I wasn’t so sure about some things I’ve believed about my faith and the church all my life and had to explore those a bit. And that time spent alone was good. Really good. There wasn’t a need to word everything just right or to make sure everyone understood what I was trying to say. Just me talking to God. Which always seems strange because he knows how I feel and what I’m thinking, but laying it all out there honestly for him is really freeing. And since we’re his children I’m sure he loves it when we bring our concerns and needs to him.
I also questioned why I started blogging in the first place and why on earth someone would want to read what I write.
But then I remembered how much I love to read blogs. How much comfort I find in knowing I’m not alone in my feelings or happenings. And I thought maybe someone out there feels that way when they read my blog. I know some of my friends have told me they have, and other friends have encouraged me to write on here again.
So, maybe I’m back.
Probably will be since I get three months off of work starting in a week and a half!
Last year was the first time I chose a word/theme for the year. It wasn’t something I looked at every day, but I did look back at it a few times throughout the year to remind myself of my goals and focus. The word I chose was “Rooted”. I wanted to stay planted and strong before and during our change in routine. Looking back it’s funny to me that I chose a word that meant I needed to stay in place and grow deeper because I wanted to run. I wanted to change. A LOT! But I stuck it out. I made it. And I think I’m stronger for it. (But I still want to run)
This year I chose a new word. It’s only been recently that I’m ready to actually start putting it into action. This year’s word:
There are lots of things I’d like to make happen this year. Most of them revolve around community, investing in relationships, and being creative with my family. But those things can’t happen if I don’t put in the effort to make them happen. The last 6 months back to work have been a little bit of survival mode as we adjusted. I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive. And in order to do that, I need to live life with purpose and plans. (Buuuut at the same time I have to be careful not to plan too much and be flexible if things don’t go exactly as I’d laid them out.)
So here I go – ready to live with purpose and intention. Not survival. I feel like this word’s going to be hard. But so worth it in the end. Kind of sounds like last year. And all of life. hmmmmm…..
First of all – it’s finals week at work this week! That means my semester is coming to a close. One of the reasons I love working at a university is that every 16 weeks I get a new start. New students, a chance to improve my lessons and try new things. I love fresh starts. This also means I’ve been back to work 4 1/2 months! Woah.
Anyway….One of the activities/lessons I’ve done with my students for quite some time now is called “Have to/Choose to” and it’s one I’ve needed to remind myself of and put into practice in my own life a lot lately.
It goes like this… Read More
So I’ve been a little quiet lately on this here blog. I have lots of reasons why. I mean working full time outside of the house limits my blogging availability. And once my girls are in bed I’m D.O.N.E with the day and I don’t make the time to write. Oh, I have the time each night, I just haven’t made it a priority.
This past week I was able to put my finger on some of the reasons why I haven’t make the time.
I wanted to be able to paint a pretty picture of this beautiful new life I’ve taken on in the last few months. And I couldn’t.
Which is silly, because I NAMED this blog “Little Miss Imperfect” for a reason. Because I’m NOT perfect. None of us are, and I wanted to bring some light to that. While I love reading mom blogs for ideas and inspiration, I wanted to admit life wasn’t all about organized homes and crafty parties.
So I had to give myself a little reality check about why I blog.
For me it was easy to talk about the reality or “complain” when I was staying home full time. It came naturally to share with others about how rough things were going because staying home full time wasn’t fulfilling for me. But now I have a super fulfilling job where I get alone time and use my creativity and planning skills in ways I couldn’t when I was home with my girls. So I felt like talking about the messiness of life I’m experiencing right now might sound like I’m not grateful for the opportunity I have every weekday.
That and I didn’t know how to put into words all the feelings I was feeling with the shift in our family. When I was home all day I had lots of time to think. To process my feelings and even pre-write blog posts in my head. I don’t have much of that any more. But I’m learning to try to build more in.
Because writing on here is therapeutic for me.
So, hey. I’m back. I don’ t know how often I’ll be here, but I want to start making time to write again. Stay tuned….
Two weeks.
We’ve survived. And for the most part it’s really gone well considering how big of a shift this has been in our lives.
It’s almost time to wrap up my three years at home and head back into the working world.
I’m so ready. I know it’s the right fit for our family. Yet, I’m kind of driving myself crazy swinging from one emotion to the other about the whole return.
One minute I’m anxious about the changes. Then I get really excited for the changes. Then I realize I’ve checked out here at home and I’m sucking at mom duties so then I feel guilty. Eventually I come around again and I’m an awesome mom. But through it all I’m still a little nervous. It’s a big change. One I know we’ll survive and will be good for all of us, but it’s the fear of the unknown adjustment period that gets me.
I’ve attempted to write some sort of “closure” post about the transition several times, but I can’t seem to get into words how I feel – maybe because I feel so much right now. Read More
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